My Favorite Players of This Year’s Final Four

March Madness has been incredible so far– no one can deny that. While everyone’s brackets are beyond busted, I think it’s in everyone’s best interest to quit predicting who will win it all and just appreciate the talented players of the Final Four teams. Here are the players on each team who I think will make a difference in these final games for skill reasons and obviously for reasons dissociated to the game of basketball.

Kentucky’s Tyler Ulis
This 5’9” cutie patootie could easily be mistaken for a 10 year-old in the middle of Kentucky’s forest of players, but don’t get it twisted. Ulis has played more minutes than any other Wildcat during the tournament, Why? This kid can control the game like no other. He’s an assists machine, although sometimes he poses as no offensive threat because he barely shoots the ball himself. I understand, Tyler. I’d want to pass more than I’d want to shoot if I were you too. No sense in some big doofus in the middle blocking the shit out of your shot and bragging about it because you’re a foot shorter than everyone else. When it comes to crunch time though, Ulis will hit the big three point shot (sorry Notre Dame) and not turn the ball over. Also, he’s from Ohio, so points for you Glen Coco!

Risking his life celebrating with the trees.
Risking his life celebrating with the trees.

Wisconsin’s Nigel Hayes
Hayes has quickly become the personality of the tournament; his obsession with stenographers and complimenting beautiful women has gone viral. However, his skills on the court are also pretty charming. He’s given the Badgers consistent stats all-season-long and had a breakout game against Michigan State in the Big Ten Championship, scoring 25 points and only turning the ball over once. Oh, did I mention he’s ALSO FROM OHIO?! A lot of analysts are expecting him to come up big in Saturday’s game against Kentucky.

(Monkey covering eyes emoji)
(Monkey covering eyes emoji)

Michigan State’s Travis Trice
WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT IF I SAID TRAVIS TRICE IS ALSO FROM OHIO?! I knew there was a reason I picked these guys for this blog post. What’s even more, is that he has the facial resemblance of my baseball boyfriend, Michael Brantley. Please tell me you see that. Trice is a senior playing under the legendary coaching of Tom Izzo. He is a natural leader and has more college basketball experience than any of the other superstars on the other Final Four teams, even though he’s missed a lot of games throughout the years due to injury and illness. He scored 23 and 24 points, respectively, upsetting Virginia and Oklahoma on the Spartans’ journey to the Final Four.

Practically twins.
Practically twins.

Duke’s Quinn Cook
Boy, is this kid hungry. And apparently, his high fives hold magical powers. It’s about time Duke got back to the Final Four and they certainly couldn’t have done it without Cook. He’s played almost every minute of every game in this tournament, but will have to step it up against Michigan State on Saturday. He’s pretty much a Blue Devil secret weapon–great free throw percentage (88.7), rarely, if ever, turns the ball over, and plays with a lot of heart; something that could easily help Duke pull out the W.

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Sure, you can keep the whole net.
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The Bachelor– Finale

Let me first start off by addressing how I felt after Chris Harrison made the life-changing Bachelorette announcement:

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But…more on that later.

THE FINALE

So Whitney’s voice didn’t hold her down this season. I thought for sure it would, but hey what do me and my normal sounding voice know? In fact, this B was forthcoming and all kinds of in love with Soules.

GENERAL THOUGHTS:

-I’m in love with how in love Chris’ nieces and nephews are with him.

-Chris’ laugh is more high pitched than his sisters’. Problem.

-Whitney is making me cry. With real feelings.

-Gee Chris, I’m not really getting that you like Becca. It doesn’t seem like you’re going out of your way to defend her at all. 😐

-Becca is literally giving him every opportunity to walk away right now and he’s just not getting it.

-Also is he doing the proposals in Iowa? That’s certainly a first and also unacceptable. You can’t ride elephants into the sunset in Iowa.
BUT THERE ARE SUNSETS AS WE ALL REMEMBER: THANKS BRITT.

-Harvesting corn in the winter is quite the final date for Chris and Whitney. Whitney is way too nice about it but all that lurve is warming up her precious heart.

-Chris, as they just turned into his home’s mile-long driveway: “This is mi casa!”
Whitney: “I love it” (hasn’t seen it yet).

-And I thought I was good at giving zero fucks, but Becca wins this round. She literally does not care about being the runner up on The Bachelor. Or Chris. Or anything involving emotion.

gv80k

-On her limo ride away just after being eliminated, Becca thinks she’s all of a sudden going to wake up and be in love with Chris tomorrow. Whoops.

-Chris’ proposal equals cute but kinda boring and Whitney just talked A LOT during it. This isn’t The Bachelorette, miss. You are not initiating this proposal.

-Best case scenario for a finale unlike one we’ve never seen before? A candle is knocked over and the barn burns down? IDK CHRIS HARRISON.

THE BACHELORETTE ANNOUNCEMENT

ENRAGED. INFURIATED. FURIOUS. HOSTILE.

If I were Kaitlyn (which I am), I’d rather become a Mountie in Canada for the rest of my life and speak to no one versus sharing The Bachelorette spotlight with Britt.

Was Bachelor Nation really that split between Britt and Kaitlyn for the next Bachelorette crown?

Britt definitely cried to some ABC executives so she could stay relevant. Kaitlyn (I) deserves 25 MEN ALL TO HER DAMN SELF. Btw, Kaitlyn looked less-than-thrilled to be doing this when Chris Harrison brought them out.

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Britt: “I can’t wait to do this. I love Kaitlyn.”
Kaitlyn: “Yeah, it’s going to be fun???????????????”

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Just when I was excited to countdown to May 18, I now just feel the sudden urge to fight anyone in my path. What did you all think of the announcement?!

The Bachelor– Women Tell All

The only reason I watch this episode is for the bloopers and for the sometimes surprise Bachelorette announcement. The Bachelorette announcement didn’t happen and the bloopers only made me giggle a little bit. Mission not accomplished.

My thoughts:

There’s nothing I love more than 20 women talking over each other!

Thank God we’re getting the Britt situation out of the way first. Her tears are just in no way necessary. And Jillian coming to her defense? Oy. We all forgot about you a long time ago, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Britt is not going to make it as an actress in Hollywood is the only conclusion I come to. End scene.

Up next, the insane asylum patient that is Kelsey.

The girls go relatively easy on her. I keep hearing the name Sanderson Poe repeated and I don’t think it’s such a long shot that Ashley I. claimed her dead husband was made up. I mean, I know if I had to make up a name for someone, it would be Sanderson Poe.

P.S. I love when girls who barely spoke on the show have some real ass opinions on the Women Tell All Episode. Like who are you- why are you speaking- put your hands down.

Ashley S is keepin’ it consistent with the crazy. Glad to see this is the real her. Can you imagine if she made it far enough to get a hometown date? Would she have taken Chris to meet her mother, father, and siblings who are really just animals at the zoo? Endless possibilities.

TV Me (Kaitlyn) is on point in that white outfit, but I’m not shocked. She be keepin’ it real with Chris too.

I really can’t wait for the finale at this point because it actually looks good?
That was typed out with pure, unadulterated Ron Burgundy tone.