Obviously, this is the next best power ranking behind ESPN.
1. Golden State Warriors
This is strictly by default. Many hard feelings.
2. Cleveland Cavaliers
My pride and joy with one of my oldest friends back at it– Mo Williams. Now, Kyrie can relax a little and in the case Delly’s tray isn’t fully-loaded this year, we can have a veteran point guard take over.
3. San Antonio Spurs
Was considering putting them at #2 due to the newly-acquired LaMarcus Aldridge, but I’m not a realistic human being and because it never matters where you rank the Spurs; there’s always a decent chance going into the season that they’ll win the championship.
4. Oklahoma City Thunder
I can feel it. Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook ain’t playin’ around this year. All the weird bandwagon Thunder fans that live outside of Oklahoma City can come together again and cheer for them. I promise it will be better this time.
5. Houston Rockets
Everyone’s acting like Ty Lawson is an all-star point guard. He’s not even close. However, the Beard and his team are super deep once again. Yes, Dwight. I said “the BEARD and his team.” Not yours.
6. Los Angeles Clippers
ESPN has them at #4 which I laughed at for a solid minute. I don’t care that Paul Pierce played and won a championship with Doc Rivers before. The additions of Josh Smith and Lance Stephenson really don’t make sense to me, either. I just don’t see anyone on that team gelling. Wonder if DeAndre will change his mind…again.
7. New Orleans Pelicans
Yep, I said it.
8. Memphis Grizzlies
The Grizzlies always start the season on such a high note, that by the time they’re still a good team in the middle of the season, it’s so boring to watch. Then, by the time they get to the playoffs, half of them are hurt and even more boring to watch. Like, they acquired Matt Barnes. Yes, the same Matt Barnes who thought he dated Rihanna.
9. Milwaukee Bucks
ESPN has the Bucks at #12, but I don’t agree. Jabari Parker, the addition of Greg Monroe, and coach not player, Jason Kidd. It’s all you need really. Their biggest mistake was getting rid of Brandon Knight last season, but they warrant a top 10 spot in my book.
It pains me to put this team in the 10 spot, but I’d rather put the Heat here than the Raptors. Bosh is back, D Wade is back, no fans are back. Wait, what.
11. Toronto Raptors
TBT to the time I was runnin’ through the 6 w…atching Jonas Valanciunas MURDER LEBRON JAMES. God, I hate the Raptors.
12. Atlanta Hawks
They lost DeMarre Carroll. And they’ll never EVER have that incredible record again. Mark my words.
13. Chicago Bulls
I’d take an orbital fracture to Derrick Rose’s face any day before another leg injury. This was ESPN’s breaking news yesterday as if the world as we knew it was coming to an end. But in all fairness, why can’t this shit happen to Joakim Noah or something? Geez.
14. Boston Celtics
I’ll be waiting for you Kelly Olynyk. Watch your back.
15. Washington Wizards
Raise your hand if you’re bored of the John Wall/Bradley Beal backcourt. Word.
16. Dallas Mavericks
Losing Monta Ellis was a huge blow. Worse than the blow Mark Cuban got by DeAndre Jordan. Want to see a really weird German lunchmeat Dirk Nowitzki commercial though?
17. Utah Jazz
They looked better last year? Idk, I probably pay attention to the Jazz the least of any team.
18. Detroit Pistons
Let’s take bets on Andre Drummond’s free throw percentage this year.
19. Phoenix Suns
When one of your players out loud says he wants to be traded, that’s a little cold especially since his twin also plays for the same team. What it do, Markieff? No one should overlook the addition of Henry Sims, either, if you know what’s good for you.
20. Indiana Pacers
21. Charlotte Hornets
If Tyler Hansbrough is on a team, you know they’re going to be good. Haha, jk, lol, lmfao, rotfl.
22. Sacramento Kings
The Kentucky Wildcat frontcourt should at least be entertaining to watch, right?Oh snap, and Rajon Rondo. Lots of Wildcats in the building.
23. New York Knicks
I’m being very generous here. I’m only doing this for my love of European, lanky, tall white guys. I’m doing this for Z, pretty much.
24. Portland Trailblazers
Somebody wake me when the Blazers are good again.
25. Minnesota Timberwolves
Karl-Anthony Towns is my bid for Rookie of the Year, so that has to count for something, right?
26. Orlando Magic
I got nothing.
27. Los Angeles Lakers
Aw, remember when Larry Nance Jr. called Kobe a rapist? Sweet, sweet memories that should play out beautifully on the court this year. In all seriousness, though. I love Kobe. Knocking on all kinds of wood (not meant to be dirty) that he stays healthy all-year long.
28. Brooklyn Nets
Deron Williams will go down in history as the most overrated point guard of all time.
*Just got word that Deron Williams doesn’t even play for the Nets anymore. He plays for the Mavericks. Shows how much I care and that Mark Cuban doesn’t know how to replace point guards. That is all.*
29. Denver Nuggets
Excited to watch Emmanual Mudiay play, aaaand that’s about it.
30. Philadelphia 76’ers
If the world wants a true Cinderella story, it would go like this: The Pope just came to Philadelphia and the 76’ers make the 8 seed in the playoffs. Coincidence? I think not.