The Bachelor- Episode 4

Bear with me on this one. It was not the most eventful episode. In fact it made me question ever watching the show again. But that would mean that I’d be lying to myself.

Vegas Baby!

Waiting for Leslie Chow to come out and kill some bitches. If you don’t know who Leslie Chow is, shame on you, bittchhheesssss.

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ONE-ON-ONE

JoJo. Still haven’t forgiven you for your lack of geographical skills, so. I also question from time to time whether JoJo should give bangs a try.

[The twins are stoked that they’re from Vegas, yet no one seems to care.]

Wait. Ben and JoJo get to go on a helicopter?! GET OUT OF TOWN. This only happens every episode.

Cue the weirdest scenario ever. The helicopter blows away the champagne table and then JoJo and Ben start kissing behind it? Not really romantic considering your faces could have just gotten tore up, but hey. Get the moments in where you can.

Ben staring at JoJo on this date is making my neck hurt.

Then they gawk at fireworks… lol. Like what was this date?

GROUP DATE

Mental note: Amber really loves that jean jacket.

Oh Christ, these girls have to do a talent show.

“Ladies, raise your hand if you have a talent.”

No hands risen.

The twins Irish dance. So good for them.

Jubilee plays the cello. Real and wonderful.

We have jugglers, hula hoopers, belly dancers, chickens…

…And then Olivia. Who thinks this is a strip show. I feel really super embarrassed for this chick. Like her master plan was to dance terribly? She might have ruined these miserable talent show group dates for seasons to come.

Then she goes and has a panic attack. What happens in Vegas, stays on my DVR Olivia. Duh.

It’s okay Olivia. It’s not like you have fugly toes or cankles or anything…

These stills on Olivia just biting her finger make me want to throw up. And your romper tonight sucks, boo boo. I AM ANTI-OLIVIA, PEOPLE.

And here she comes creeping in to interrupt more conversations because she talks herself in insecure circles. Ben smells the stage 5-ness.

Lauren B. gets the group date rose and Olivia is one second away from ripping off her maternity romper.

ONE-ON-ONE

Becca. Who I still don’t get the hype on. She talks like she has peanut butter on the roof of her mouth. Name that movie. 😉

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A wedding dress arrives before she goes on the date. Everyone is jealous.

Jubilee starts throwing shade at Becca’s virginity which makes my day because this episode sucks so far.

They’re gonna marry people in Vegas! Which is actually pretty baller.

But I’d be pissed to look back on this memory, tarnished by the Bachelor franchise that has so beautifully ruined all of our lives.

Ben then takes Becca to the famous neon museum and she’s confused. I mean… kill me now. This is starting to be the longest two hours of my life.

Then in a crazy turn of events, Ben takes the unbearable twins on a two-on-one date. Is it possible they both get eliminated or is Santa still “off” until the next holiday season?

He takes them home. Literally. To their mom. Ha, and hopefully leaves them there.

Haley has pictures of her and her ex-boyfriend in her bedroom so that’s awkward.

Needless to say, she gets eliminated.

COCKTAIL PARTY/ROSE CEREMONY

There goes Olivia again. Oy to the vey.

Now I feel sorry for those who have to watch her on the news.

She dropped the L word, too, oh snap!

WERE YOU NOT YOURSELF THIS WEEK OLIVIA IT DIDN’T SOUND CLEAR.

Goodbye to Amber and Rachel, but once again Olivia gets the last rose. Interesting Ben, interesting.

Amber proceeds to go and cry in the unlit area of pool chairs which is sad and hilarious. Please learn your lesson and never come on a Bachelor-related show again, Amber.

 

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