The Bachelor- Episode 6

In case you forgot (which I did), we’re left on a cliffhanger to see if Ben will revoke Olivia’s rose.

Girl-on-girl crime is all about getting, or not getting roses. Catch up Ben.

“I like reading books in my room and thinking.” -Olivia. Let’s focus on “thinking.” When you say “thinking” do you really mean “plotting?”

To sum it up: Olivia stays.

I hate when rose ceremonies happen at the beginning of the show. It really leaves a glooming feeling on the rest of the- HAHA yeah right. It’s great. At least we know the upcoming two hours of misery will be without one desperate fool in the mix.

The moment Emily the Twin breaks away from Hailey the Twin it’s as if someone told her to stand for something. I’ll tell you what- she needs to cool it and stop talking because we know nothing about her except that she’s from Vegas and IS A TWIN.

Jennifer goes home. I don’t really care. Also- we’re the same age and she makes me look like I’m 12 so.

Can a Brunette Survive Up in This Bitch is the new name of the show.

Now they venture to the Bahamas. *Thinks back to 2012 Spring Break and sighs*

ONE-ON-ONE

Caila (again).

The date card says “reel” instead of “real” and collectively we figure out: OH MY GOD THERE’S FISHING IN THE BAHAMAS. #Islands

Leah (who we see from time to time) is upset because she hasn’t come within 500 feet of Ben since arriving. I feel you girl.

One of Ben’s favorite activities is deep sea fishing? I didn’t know that could take place in Denver or Indiana.

Leah, back at the hotel, is still visibly upset while we flip back and forth to watching Caila reel in giant fish. It’s not like you’ll run into him anywhere after this… wait. You’re from Denver too, jk lolz. Go out with some dignity girl, come on.

Well now Caila is being confusing, all still while smiling, so that’s uncomfortable. She feels like she loves him but cant completely fall in love. I get it, but will the millions of bafoons watching this show get it?

Olivia calls Emily young upon learning that they are the two going on the two-on-one date this week. They’re the same age for all y’all mathematicians out there.

It ends well for Caila. Her being confusing is somehow more attractive to Ben. *ALL OTHER MEN ON THIS EARTH, TAKE NOTES*

GROUP DATE

The date is to chill on a boat, T-pain and Lonely Island style.

Jk it’s Ben’s other pretend favorite activity– feeding pigs in paradiiiisseeee!

Lauren B. refers to a group of pigs as a clan, so that’s wrong.

Ben loves her though. Her and her oddly-shaped bathing suit bottom.

Becca, with all that peanut butter on the roof of her mouth is talking. It must be sooooo hard to be on this show twice.

Leah then tries throwing Lauren B. under the bus for no reason at all. Nice try and then she’s lying about it on national television. The Women Tell All won’t be fun for you, I’m thinking.

After the group date, Leah isn’t finished and goes on a fun secret mission to further her lie. BEN HAS HAD ENOUGH. Bye, Leah.

TWO-ON-ONE

With twin and satan. I thought of that one all by myself.

Satan proclaims her love for Ben. Ugh.

And twin says a lot of short phrases.

BEN SENDS OLIVIA HOME. OMG. He takes her away with a rose and then doesn’t give it to her. OUCH. And then she has to watch them boat away while she gets devoured by waves and we never see her again… major plot twist ABC.

Straight to the rose ceremony. Thank goodness.

He calls Becca’s name first. A lady says “yes” when accepting a rose, Becca. Not “yeah,” like a hillbilly.

We say goodbye to Lauren H. and her strong Midwestern accent.

We also get a preview to the rest of the season where it appears Ben sends the person home he actually wants to end up with. I knew you were a true guy’s guy at heart, Ben. It was only a matter of time.

 

 

 

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