The Bachelor- Episode 7

Sorry for the delay. I watched the idiotic GRAMMY’s last night. Dare I say The Bachelor is better television?

We’re in Ben’s hometown in Indiana. They’re making him drive around in an old pickup truck as if Indiana is in the middle of nowhere. And here comes the slow burn of all of Ben’s memories in the good ol’ city of Warsaw. Not to be confused with the capital of Poland.

His parents are listening to him go on and on about these girls wondering “where did we fail in raising this son of ours?”

Did anyone catch the moment where Caila tries to stop the speedboat Ben is driving in? If you missed it, be thankful.

ONE-ON-ONE

Lauren B.

Everyone is jealous that she got asked out in-person by Ben and not on a card, “like normal.”

Ben’s church is the size of a hotel so I question whether or not he’s a Scientologist.

Lauren looks terrified upon Ben suggesting they participate in activities at the youth center. Ben, meanwhile, is sweating from head to toe.

AND THEN PAUL GEORGE AND GEORGE HILL SHOW UP. Bye. I’d be dead and Lauren B. doesn’t appreciate a single second. She claims she’s star struck but her facial expression doesn’t change even for a second. I WOULD BE CRYING.

Ben and Lauren B. give us a total of zero voice inflections during their dinner conversation.

I think to myself, if I ever had to bring a guy to “my” local dive bar, would it be the memory and structure of what was once Wing Warehouse?

ONE-ON-ONE

JoJo. Let’s find love in the “windy city.” I hope this means they actually go to Chicago or does Ben think his city does it all?

Chicago confirmed.

JoJo says “Ben” like “Bin” and it’s not a cute southern trait IMO.

One of Ben’s favorite sports teams is the Chicago Cubs. I appreciate his ability to have taken in sports misery like a Cleveland fan.

“What is this?” -JoJo
“Oh, this is the scoreboard.” -Ben, stating the obvious.

Another dull ass conversation with the broken record, JoJo, about how scared she is and the other broken record, Ben, about how reassuring he is.

Bye.

GROUP DATE

Amanda, Caila, Becca.

They are driving boats, sort of.

Becca is confused by it, but what else is new?

And she also keeps complaining about how horrible these group dates are. WHY DID YOU EVER COME BACK TO THIS SHOW AND WHO LET YOU BACK ,YOU ANNOYING LOONEY TOON?!

Well I know who I’m not going to hire Caila to represent Cleveland any time soon. Damn, Gina, you could at least throw us a compliment.

Ben gives the group date rose to Amanda and they continue on to another date.

WAIT. Ben takes Amanda to McDonald’s because it’s a normal thing for him to do. Does anyone know how much I love McDonald’s? I consider a Big Mac it’s own group on the food pyramid. Damnit, Ben. You’re perfect.

I’m not going to lie. I hate how Amanda talks so I fast forwarded through the rest of their date. It looks like they finish off the night at a carnival. Fantastically stimulating.

ONE-ON-ONE

Emily, the twin.

Ben does not look like he cares about this date at all.

He takes her to meet his parents.

Which is working against Emily because she comes across as really stupid.

And guess what? He sends her home. I wonder if there’s a pool in Vegas (ironically enough her hometown) that I could have put money down on the fact that she wouldn’t win.

ROSE CEREMONY

Ben is crying.

Becca goes home. Thank God. And it goes without saying. DON’T COME BACK.

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