The Bachelor- Episode 8

Eight weeks in and I’m still writing. I belong on Survivor.

It’s time for home towns.

Amanda

Laguna Beach. I’d pick her just for the location.

I don’t know if they decided to film this at 5 a.m. because Ben looks like he just awoke from a long slumber. Not in a I Woke Up Like Dis way, either.

Mmmk. Her kids are adorable.

Kids are also “shy” a.k.a horribly terrified of Ben’s short shorts.

Amanda’s family is so boring that all I’m doing is wondering how much their house costs and what they do for a living. The least they could have done was offer poor Ben a beer. Sheesh.

Lauren B.

Portland, Oregon. Fine.

The hipsters in town are curiously questioning Ben’s blazer choice.

They do Portland things and Lauren is so nervous about him meeting her family.

THAT’S NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE ON HOME TOWNS. WEIRD.

Let’s talk shit about our sister/daughter and then scream with excitement when she comes in like a bunch of fake assholes. Ready, fam?

If I were Lauren’s sister and Ben started crying in front of me, I think (I know) I would laugh?

AND HE CRIES IN FRONT OF HER DAD? Tony Calanni would make an inappropriate joke and make him feel so awk he would regret ever coming on the show.

Lauren decides not to tell Ben she’s in love with him. So good times. The worst kind of regret is Bachelor regret. Right? Has to be. Hands down.

No.

Caila

Wadddupppp Hudson, Ohio!

Look at how cute autumn does its thing in the CLE.

Not gonna lie. Thought the Step2 facility would look a little (a lot) more baller.

Wait. I take that back. These machines are baller.

Um hi. Now I want to build MY own toys.

What’s funny is that Caila’s dad looks really indifferent to Filipino cuisine.

Let me just say, God bless Caila’s mother and her grown ass woman braces and Caila’s dad and his grown ass man orange chinos.

Caila says she’s going to tell Ben she loves him and then… DOESN’T.

Chris Harrison didn’t lie when he said this was the most unpredictable, shocking season yet. [insert rolling eyes emoji]

JoJo

Dallas, Texas. Yee- freakin-haw.

Everyone has been so. damn. boring. so far.

Ummmmmmm. Until now. When JoJo gets a letter from her ex. With roses.

Solid stupid boy move. Don’t know what ya got ’til it’s gone.

Lol. I wish every guy reacted the way Ben did in these types of situations. Unless he’s lying, in which case, fine. You don’t want to look like an asshole on television.

Do all of these girls have rich families?! Is this why they can get away with just “leaving” work for months at a time?

Um obviously the good family genes only went to one sister…

JoJo’s brothers though… thumbs up.

Can JoJo’s mom have her own show? Please?

This home town couldn’t have gone any worse. Finally, a moment of realness on this stupid show.

ROSE CEREMONY

Hello to JoJo’s dress.

Bye to Caila’s dress.

We say for real bye to Amanda, which. Predictable.

The good news is that her kids won’t remember it. But like, this is what home videos are now, so. #MillennialsWhoHaveMillennials

 

 

 

 

 

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