5 Things Wrong with Social Media

I realize this blog post may be confusing to those who know me because I work in social media. It’s literally in my job title– Social Media Strategist at Rosenberg Advertising. However, nothing is perfect. Especially when it comes to the Internet. So, for my first writing challenge, I’m going to break down five things I think are completely ridiculous and wrong about social media and hopefully we can all learn something from it. Here goes nothin’.

1. It makes people self-appointed authorities and experts on any given topic.

I’ve vented about this before, but it certainly had to be number one on this list. Social media was not invented for people to morph into assholes nor does it exist for natural assholes to further asshole themselves. That sounds sexual, but you know what I mean. Whether it’s political superlatives, You’re WRONG if you think so-and-so should become President, social issue superlatives, If you were born a certain way then I can’t be friends with you and I think you’re a monster, religious superlatives (the worst kind, in my opinion), to plain old passive aggressive jabs at people, it’s making the world a worse place. Did you go to college and major in the debate team? Do you have a B.A. in aggressive content? Do you have one half to a Best Friend necklace and Jesus has the other? Didn’t think so. Enough is enough, people.

2. Cyber-bullying and exclusion.

This one goes hand-in-hand with the first, but it’s no secret to anyone that nowadays, the place to go harass people is on social media. I’m so thankful I didn’t grow up in the social media generation like kids are now. No child in this world (or adult for that matter) should have to alter their appearance or Kylie Jenner their lips just to get approval from the masses. It’s a lose-lose. The more you try, the more haters you’ll have. Also, there’s nothing worse than a Snapchat story some days. Ever have that moment when you’re watching a snap story only to realize, why the hell wasn’t I invited to this, hey those are my friends seemingly having  a great time without me, oh great someone else in the same exact time and place is adding this to their story too. I know I have and it sucks. Live in the moment, people. If I know exactly what time and what vehicle you were pre-gaming in to Dave Matthews this past weekend, you can bite me.

3. It’s too hard to explain to someone who’s not “in” it.

I run into this problem all the time at work. Clients think they need a social media account, but don’t understand why or what they want from it. I sometimes feel like I’m speaking a different language to social media newbies. The rule is simple and everyone, whether you’re a business or an individual, should stick to it: if you have nothing useful to say, you can’t inspire people, or don’t have time to dedicate to it, then don’t do it. Hire me to, or something. 😉

4. The death of spelling and grammar.

Hi. If you ever spell anything wrong or use poor grammar in front of me, I’m judging you. Hard. I’m being as transparent as I possibly can. There’s nothing worse than presenting yourself on social media with an absolutely horrible grasp of the English language. Employers are looking at your profiles, potential lovers, and well… me. And that’s scary enough. I think everyone should try to be more mindful of spelling and grammar in general, but it’s because I’m super old school and afraid we’ll lose all sense of beautiful, traditional writing.

5. You think you can’t live without it.

Can you imagine a life without social media? I can’t, only because it’s my job and if it goes away, well then so does my dignity and pride. Right out the old window. Even though social media consumes A LOT of my life, I try to be more mindful of not being on it all the time. Especially when I’m with loved ones. It’s tough and yes, FOMO (fear of missing out) is real, but sometimes it’s incredibly therapeutic to leave the phone and the computer alone for a while. You can do it. I promise. Unless you like it when people call you a wall, because that’s what it’s like talking to you in-person. For that, you’ll need additional help.

WHAT DO YOU THINK IS WRONG WITH SOCIAL MEDIA? I’D LOVE TO KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS. YES, I MEAN IT. I’M WELCOMING OPINIONS THAT MAY CONTRADICT MINE. 

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The Bachelorette– Episode 3

…Oh hey, Kupah. You’re still here and clearly not getting the hint??

Tony just told the world he’s a gypsy soul, so now we can move on from questioning him.

Daniel and Cory go home at the beginning rose ceremony and Kaitlyn won’t stop crying, which is and isn’t a Nell thing to do right now. I can’t be sure.

FIRST GROUP DATE

The guys are awoken by a gong and two giant Asian men. How I start every morning.

Wait, don’t tell me. The group date is a sumo date. I couldn’t tell.

JJ makes remarks about Tony’s ass so you know these gay shower scene previews we’ve been seeing and hearing about are no joke. Also, Tony sumo’ed (?) in sunglasses. And is yelling at Kaitlyn about boat rides and sky diving, ALL IN A DIAPER.

Is it me or does Tony look and sound exactly like Tom Brady (not in a good way)?

Now there’s a sumo exhibition. Ugh. Lamesauce if I ever saw it. Tony decides to hang back and talk about animal noises and what an unfortunate waste of a good body because this guy is a WEIRDO. Goodbye, Tony. For forever on national television, hopefully.

Why is Shawn so passive? Clint also is Jekyll and Hyde, I’m thinking. So odd. Everything is SO ODD so far on this episode.

CLINT, YOU DICK. YOU’RE THERE FOR KAITLYN. SHE IS NOT THERE FOR YOU.

ONE-ON-ONE

Ben Z. Owwwww Owwwwwwwwwwww.

It’s a date with Chris Harrison?!

I would take that. No joke.

ABC redeems itself with an amazing one-on-one mystery, scary movie-esque, SAW-esque date. I hope Ben is kind of smart? I mean, football player. Legit question.

This date is um, dangerous. I’ve seen 12 things so far that would make me cry on impact. THEY WIN THEY WIN.

I’m legit going to be mad at Ben Z. if he cries on this show at some point and didn’t cry the day his mom died? That would be PREPOSTEROUS.

NEXT GROUP DATE

We goin’ back to school. The guys get to teach. Sex ed. Incredible. Nothing like learning about sex and puberty from guys who are barely grown up 🙂

OH GOD IT’S JJ AND CLINT TIME. Is this ABC’s way of telling us the next Bachelor will be a gay season? Please, please?!

HOW DO THESE CHILDREN KNOW ABOUT BASES?! Oh good, they’re actors. But still. They’ve got to be like what, 12?!

If Ben H. were my teacher, I’d be caught in a Mary Kay LeTourneau situation. Rawr. She’s married now and it’s not a scandal anymore, so SH. Don’t judge me.

Jared’s getting hotter by the second. Totally underestimated you, buddy. Until you shaved your hot beard for the rose ceremony. GROW THAT BACK.

WHAT THE FUCK, CLINT?! You are A TURD FERGUSON. Clint has got to be an actor, right? Like ABC is fucking with us.

To be continued…

NICK IS BACK.

For the “Love” of Kevin Love!

Learning that Kevin Love is going to be on-the-fritz for 4-6 months makes me sad.

It’s not as sad as I was when I learned Derrick Rose tore his ACL (for the first time) back in 2012. I was dumbfounded, shocked, teary-eyed, and upset. I was sad mostly for Derrick, but also because there was going to be no contender for the Miami Heat in the East.

I digress.

Love being out for this long raises many questions for NBA fans, especially those of the Cleveland Cavaliers, like myself.

#1 being, HOW DOES ONE LOOK SO FANTASTICALLY HOT POST-SURGERY?

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Seriously Kev, one operating shoulder or not, no one would be upset if you modeled some more in your upcoming free time.

The real #1 being, what does this mean for his future with the Cavs?

In my honest opinion, I’m predicting Kevin Love will stay with the Cavs through next season. Why? It’s simple– he has excellent care here at the Cleveland Clinic, for starters. He’s developed his chemistry (if that’s what we can call it) with the team here already and we’ll know how to throw him right back in the line-up once he’s healthy again. What would be the point of him going somewhere else? And what would I do with my ironic “I (Kevin Love’s facial silhouette) CLE” t-shirt?

#2: How far will the Cavs make it now that Love is out for the rest of the Playoffs and now that J.R. Smith is behaving like J.R. Smith?

I could possibly be looking through wine and gold-colored glasses, but I still think the Cavs will make it to the Eastern Conference Finals. J.R. Smith will return with a vengeance, but when I say vengeance, I mean like, hopefully not in a way where he’s deliberately bitch slapping opponents again. I’m talking the kind of vengeance that involves bunnies and chocolate, maybe even bunnies made out of chocolate. IDK, Earl Joseph, just figure it out.

I’ve also become a hardcore Milwaukee Bucks fan over the last week, so can I really be trusted? #FearTheDeer

How far do you think the Cavs will go in Love’s absence? Do you think Kevin Love really likes wearing a Cleveland Indians hat? Is he aware the Indians suck (understatement) at the moment?

So.Many.Questions.
So.Little.Love.